Dear Dumbs,
My husband suddenly passed a few years ago to cancer. I loved this man completely. I have since met a new wonderful guy who just asked me to marry him. However, something strange happened during the proposal. I had never stopped wearing my wedding ring from my previous relationship. When he asked me to marry him, I froze because I had never removed that ring. I just couldn’t do it and he got pretty hurt. He slipped the ring back into his jacket, and drove me home. We’ve only exchanged a couple of awkward, meaningless text since then. What do I do now?
Vee - in Orange Park
Terry: Congrats on hooking up with the most clueless man in the world, Vee. How did this guy not notice that you’re still wearing your old wedding ring? I know I had to get Shari’s ring size before I went shopping. By the way, it’s 4 1/4. People thought I was Jeffrey Epstein.
Shari: Vee - I’m surprised that you didn’t think about your ring, either. Most likely you knew the proposal was coming, as these things are rarely a total surprise.
Terry: I just hope these guys share the same name. If you scream out the wrong one in a moment of passion there will be a divorce in your future. That being said, let’s try to get you back to square one. I can tell you want to be with him and I don’t feel that this is a lost cause.
Shari: I agree it’s not a lost cause but both of you need to take some responsibility here.
Terry: Good luck getting a guy whose heart is now in the back of his underwear to shoulder the blame. I agree with Shari though, this won’t move forward until both of you find a way to talk and hopefully laugh about it. But I think you need to make the first move. Remember, right now he’s still hurting because he’s out the 35 bucks he spent on a ring. That’s what I spent anyway. But that was 27 years ago.
Shari: Okay, Vee, let’s be honest. It doesn’t sound like you’re ready to move on. And that’s okay. Maybe you’re not finished with your grieving. The new guy should not take this so personal. You love a guy that’s not available - like being in love with a priest. It’s just not gonna happen. You should ask the new guy to give you some more time (if he’s still around). If he cares for you as much as he professes, he’ll wait.
Terry: I hate to say this, but it would be hard for anybody to date or marry a widow or widower. From his standpoint he’s in a no-win situation. He will never match up to your deceased husband. Ever. And you know that, Vee. If you want this to work, you better get used to pointing out all the great things he brings into your life. Apologize for your part in the worst proposal ever and promise him that if he ever asks you again that he’s your choice for the next phase of your life. On a side note, I think my wife has it for a priest now.
Shari: Nope, not hot for a priest, I just finished watching Fleabag.
Terry: Bottom line is that he’s hurt and probably a little embarrassed. However, you can save this if you want to. Reach out to him like I said and I bet all this will be behind you. Or, go to church and bag a priest. Apparently, that’s a thing.
Shari: We will be thinking of you. Please send us an update. We would hate to choke on our first ever Dear Dumbs advice column.
